


Deeds and their consequences

by Lilith_the_ancient



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU after book 5, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bringing Sirius back, Dark Arts, Exorcism, Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Rituals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-07
Updated: 2013-06-23
Packaged: 2017-11-11 15:35:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/480080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilith_the_ancient/pseuds/Lilith_the_ancient
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place during Harry’s sixth year (AU after book 5). Harry is devastated after Sirius’ death. He decides to bring him back, whatever it takes. But all actions have consequences and you really shouldn’t mess with the Dark Arts…<br/>Long. Starts out as Gen, develops into explicit Sirius/Harry. Some dark themes. No horcruxes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The-Boy-Who-Killed-Voldemort

~After the night he died  
I wept my tears until they dried  
But the pain stayed the same  
I didn't want him to die all in vain  
I made a promise to revenge his soul in time  
I'll make them bleed at my feet  ~

 

(The Promise, Within Temptaion)

 

 

Harry was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Something he had been doing for the last four months, only getting up to go to the bathroom or to eat something. Most of the time people had to remind him that he still had to do those simple things like eating or washing or moving. Lately few and few people visited his room. For some it was too hard to see him in such a state, others he reminded too much of their own losses. Hermione was the only one who came to check on him every day. To make sure he ate, to make sure he showered, to try talking to him and, if she was particularly lucky, to take him out for a walk around Hogwarts.

 

He had stopped attending classes after the OWL’s, that faithful day, when the last thing he lived for was taken away from him. Sirius. That day something inside him snapped. He had screamed and cried and tried to jump behind the veil after his godfather, had raved at Dumbledore and tried to reach Sirius every way he could think of. To no avail. By the time he returned to the Dursleys for the summer holidays all hope of seeing his godfather again had vanished and he became quiet and withdrawn. Coming down only to eat, never saying a word longer than one syllable and not going outside.

 

When the Weasleys came to pick him up at his birthday, he greeted them with a smile that did not reach his eyes. At The Burrow he continued to seek solitude. When Hermione came over, a week before they had to go back to Hogwarts, she found him in the garden. He was walking in circles muttering under his breath. She managed to catch a couple of words, but they didn’t make sense put together. Love. Death. Prophecy. Then Harry suddenly stopped talking and turned to look at her.

 

“I’ve finally figured it out. I know. I know what to do.” He smiled sadly at her and didn’t react when she asked him what he meant.

 

***

 

He was found a week later by Hermione and Ron in the room of requirement after they had searched the whole castle and grounds. When Hermione was passing the corridors hoping heatedly she would find him, she noticed a door that hadn’t been there a moment ago. She called Ron and together they walked inside.

 

Harry was standing in the center of it, completely still, surrounded by all sorts of flying objects. A chair smashed against the wall, an enormous block of granite disintegrated in mid air and a cupboard suddenly exploded. Hermione let out a small cry, when she understood that Harry was doing all of that with his mind, without touching his wand, without even moving his hands. Hearing the noise, Harry turned around and looked at them, not a trace of effort on his face, like it was nothing to make a table float with your mind. He smiled at his friends, but his eyes were cold and empty. Hermione just then noticed the aura-like shape around her friend. It was constantly changing colors and sending off little sparks in every direction. She immediately recognized it as pure, natural magic. By that time Ron had also noticed that something was weird about his friend’s behavior.

 

“Harry? Are you alright mate?”

 

Harry didn’t answer. Instead, he summoned a frog out of thin air, let it hover in front of him, then raised a hand and balled it into a fist. The frog dropped to the ground. Dead. Hermione let out another cry, but Harry did not pay attention to her. He just said:

 

“I think I’m ready. Call the Order together.”

 

***

 

When the Order was summoned, Harry explained in as few words as was humanly possible that he intended to go after Voldemort the next day and everyone who wanted to come with him, should come, but that would be at their own risk. Harry’s brilliant plan consisted of just walking up to Voldemort’s hiding place and killing him and no matter what everyone said, he would not be swayed. He said that it was his destiny and there was no point in delaying it. He either would kill Voldemort or die trying. Dumbledore said he was mad, in answer Harry just smiled.

 

Later that day he and some members of the Order of the Phoenix came to The Ministry Of Magic and Harry told his plan. Fudge called it suicide, but still allowed the Aurors who wanted to assist him to come along.

 

***

 

The next day they left in the early morning, using a portkey as far as it allowed them to come and walking the rest of the way. Snape had provided them with directions after cursing Harry and his idiocy to hell and back. Voldemort’s hideout turned out to be a shabby looking house in a grim muggle neighborhood. Not really a place worthy of the Dark Lord. Harry told everyone to be on guard and indeed, a minute later they were attacked by Dementors who were guarding the house, which they drove away with patronus charms. Harry was concentrating hard on something and only lazily shielded himself from the curses that were flung at him by the Death Eaters who had figured out that something was wrong and stormed outside. It looked as though he didn’t even have to block all the curses, because some of them just seemed to rebound off him. An attack in the middle of the day had really surprised the Death Eaters, but Voldemort was not  worried. He saw this as a perfect opportunity. The object of his frustration and the only person standing between him and world domination just walked into his room. He would kill the Boy-Who-Lived without even having to get up from his chair. Or so he thought.

 

“Well, well, Potter what did I do to deserve the pleasure of your company?” He seemed relaxed, but his wand was already drawn and he was getting to his feet.

 

Harry didn’t answer, but dropped the sword he was holding in his left hand, still holding his wand in his right and pointing it at Voldemort.

 

“Dropping your sword? Are your hands trembling so hard boy? Then I think I’ll make it easier on you and just put you out of your misery. Avada …” But before he could finish the curse, Harry had already yelled ‘Protego’ and shielded himself. At the same time he lifted his left hand and Voldermort seemed to recoil as if something invisible just burned him.

 

“What? Don’t you want me to touch you? Scared?”

 

Red reptilian eyes widened and the snake-like face screwed up in rage. “You stupid, insolent boy! Don’t you remember? Your blood runs in my veins now. Your mother’s foolish sacrifice doesn’t work any more.”

 

Harry moved even closer and held up his hand as if to examine it. There were green sparks flying off it.

 

“Yes, It’s true. My mother’s love can’t hurt you any more.” He paused and stepped even closer to his nemesis. “But  this is MY love. AND THIS IS SIRIUS’ SACRIFICE!” Screaming the words he slammed his hand hard on Voldemort’s chest. The Dark Lord let out a wail and tried to curse the boy causing him pain, but Harry was still shielding himself from the attack. Things were starting to fly around them as sparks of pure energy flew in all directions. The Aurors, Order members and the Death Eaters had all stopped fighting and were looking at the duel in the centre of the room. The green energy had started to swirl around the two wizards, obscuring them from the eyes of the onlookers. They were standing in the eye of a twister, or so it seemed, but neither had the time to acknowledge that. Harry had managed to push Voldemort to his knees and was now inch by inch turning his wand to point at the Dark Lord. Staring into blood-red eyes he started to recite words he had heard only once ago, but which were permanently etched onto his mind:

 

“The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches. Born to those who have defied him, born as the seventh month dies. And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not. And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives.” With the last word Harry finally managed to break Voldermort’s defence and shouted ‘Avada Kedavra’. There was a flash of green light, the red eyes grew wide, a fearful look in them for the first time … and then they went blank. The reptilian body slumped, only held up by the place where it connected with Harry’s left hand.

 

“Accio sword!” The sword flew from the ground into Harry’s right hand. He swung and with one swift movement Voldermort’s head fell to the ground. He took away his hand, which was trembling violently and its palm seemed to have severe burns. The headless body fell to the ground. Then Harry imbedded the sword into the late Dark Lord’s chest.

 

All around him there was total silence, people were still trying to take in what had just happened. Some were gasping, some Death Eaters started to scream and some just stared into nothingness, not willing to understand what had happened. The Aurors were the first to gain back their senses and cast disarming and bounding charms on the Death Eaters that were still lose.

 

But Harry didn’t seem to be done yet. He kneeled next to the body on the ground and took the ring that bore the Dark Mark on it and let it slip into his pocket. Then he took out a small glass vial and sprinkled its contents over the remains of Voldemort’s corpse. Next he drew a circle around it all with his wand that emitted a purple glow. Everyone was looking transfixed at what was happening in the centre of the room. Harry by now was muttering some kind of spell under his breath over and over again. Suddenly there was an unearthly sound coming from the centre of the circle and white smoke started to rise from there. Harry’s chants became louder and louder until it was blocking out the sound that had swelled into a scream. The smoke resembled a face now, an ugly face screwed up in anger. Then the smoke burst into blue flames and disappeared.

 

For a long time no one dared to move or speak, until Tonks broke the silence, asking the question that was on everyone’s lips: “Harry, what exactly happened just now?”

 

Harry stood up, pointed his wand at the ashes in the circle and muttered ‘Evanesco’. All evidence that the Dark Lord had ever existed vanished from the room.

 

“I’ve destroyed his soul. He can’t come back anymore. His soul is trapped somewhere that’s neither this world nor the next. It’s just, well, gone.”

 

The statement took some time to sink in, but when it did, the Aurors and the Order members broke out in loud cheers, which only subdued a little when Harry raised his hand and then spoke.

 

“Can someone get me to The Ministry of Magic? I have some unfinished business there. Oh, and could the Aurors please take this lot to Azkaban?” he made a dismissive gesture to the restrained Death Eaters.

 

Everyone who could apparate went directly to the Ministry. This wasn’t over yet and they would be mad to miss what else Harry was planning to do.


	2. Taking care of things

~Tired but unable to give up since I`m   
Responsible for the lives I saved   
  
The play is done   
The curtain`s down   
  
All the tales are told   
All the orchids gone   
Lost in my own world   
Now I care for dead gardens ~

 

(Dead Gardens, Nightwish)

 

 

When Harry arrived at the Ministry the whole staff was assembled there. They all had been told about the previous events and were happy, but also curious at what the hero had to say. The hero, however, did not make any announcements or tell them about his victory. He just walked past the waiting crowd and headed straight to Fudge’s office. He didn’t have to walk that far as the minister was already in the lobby to greet him. Harry took something out of his pocket and threw it at Fudge, who caught it and then, seeing what it was, nearly dropped it.

 

“It’s Voldemort’s ring. I took it as prove that I’ve killed him. He is gone. I need you to sit down,” at the moment he said that a table with a chair appeared out of thin air, “and listen to me. Under your command things have been going downhill at The Ministry. Frankly, you’ve messed up. You’re not qualified to be the Minister of Magic. So I need you to sign this,” a scroll of parchment appeared in Harry’s hand which he placed on the table in front of Fudge. “This is a document in which it says that you resign and assign Arthur Weasley as the new Minister of Magic.” There were noises of protest all across the lobby and Fudge turned red with anger.

 

“If you think you can just walk up here and command me around you are mistaken kid.”

 

Harry let out a dry laughter that had nothing of joy in it and suddenly banged his fist on the table, making Fudge jump. “Kid? Do you know what awful things I can do to you if I even made Voldemort fear me?” His anger disappeared as soon as it had come. “But there’s no need for that. Who do you think people would follow if they would have to choose? The hero who has killed Voldemort or the bureaucratic bastard who kept telling them lies, afraid to do something himself about a thread that hung above their heads? I’m just giving you a choice between a honorific retreat on health grounds or public humiliation.”

 

Fudge mumbled curses under his breath, but took out a quill and signed the document. When he was done, Harry snatched it away and turned towards a perplexed looking Mr Weasley.

 

“I hope you will accept this sir. If you’d rather keep your current job, I know you love it, I trust you will assign the right person for the job. I leave it to you. Though I must ask you and The Ministry to do something.”

 

“S-sure. We’ll do what we can,” answered Mr Weasley a bit shaky.

 

“Percy write,” Harry shot at the boy who was standing in a corner, trying to look invisible. He fumbled with his bag and took out a parchment and quill. “First, Sirius Black’s name must be cleared.  The Ministry must give him a full pardon. He died a hero and everyone has to know the truth. I have plenty of people who can testify if that is needed. Second, Dementors must be exiled, I don’t care to where. They are too dangerous to be guards of Azkaban. Take side with the evil too easily. Speaking of Azkaban, the third thing I want to be done is increase guards at Azkaban. The Death Eaters must be severely punished, but they all have to get a fair trial.” There was some murmur in the crowd, but Harry didn’t pay attention to it. “I don’t want the same thing that happened to Sirius happen to anyone else. Ask Snape for Veritaserum. Alright, that was all Percy. Now pray that your father won’t fire you, because if it were me you would be on the street in no time. Learn where your loyalties lie.”

 

Harry turned to Dumbledore. “Sir, you were my first choice, but I know you won’t leave Hogwarts. And Hogwarts can’t miss you.” Then, without a word, he headed for the elevators. Hermione, Ron and Lupin followed him. They got out and the elevator told them that they had reached The Department of Mysteries.

 

“Harry why are we…?” But Hermione might as well have spoken to a wall. Harry didn’t even acknowledge that the three of them had followed him. He moved further and further through the dark corridors until he came to a halt before a door they all had seen before. Walking through it they ended up in a circular room with closed doors all around them. Somehow Harry chose the right door immediately. They stood at the top of the round room with benches that were leading down. In the middle there was something like a stage with an archway in the middle of it.

 

Harry slowly descended the benches like he was in a trance. His three friends stood watching until he started to climb the steps of the stage. Then Lupin dashed down, ready to hold him back if he would try to jump into the archway. He was not sure if he could hold him this time though. Harry was much more powerful now. But holding him back proved not to be necessary. When Harry reached the arch his knees buckled and he fell to the ground, only his outstretched fingertips brushing the veil.

 

***

 

He was brought to St Mungo’s and examined there. Lupin and the others were told that he had used up too much magic and was simply drained of all energy. He needed to rest and regain power. There was nothing they could do. The mediwizards did not even know how long that process would take. It might as well be years. Even though staying by Harry’s bed had no use at all, none of the people who cared about him wished to leave his side. So they had set up a visiting schedule. Molly, Ron, Hermione, Lupin, Neville and Ginny all took turns to stay with him. Dumbledore, Hagrid, Arthur, the twins and a lot of other students visited as often their job or study would allow them.

 

Harry stayed in a coma for over a month.


	3. Pictures of you

~ I've been looking so long at these pictures of you   
That I almost believe that they're real   
I've been living so long with my pictures of you   
That I almost believe that the pictures are   
All I can feel   
[…]

You were angels   
So much more than everything   
Hold for the last time then slip away quietly   
Open my eyes   
But I never see anything ~

 

(Pictures of you, The Cure)

 

 

It was Hermione’s turn to spend the afternoon with him when he finally came by. She was reading the Prophet when he opened his eyes. It took her some time to notice the change, but when she did, she flung herself around his neck and hugged him, while her tears were making his cushion wet.

 

“Harry finally, you’re awake! Wait ‘till I tell the others. Everyone has been so worried.” She sat back in her chair and wiped away her tears. Realising how quiet Harry had been she started to get worried. “Harry? How do you feel? Say something.”

 

“Why am I not dead?” His voice came unnaturally hoarse out of his throat, because it hadn’t been used for a long time. He looked very pale and his normally bright eyes were dull.

 

“You were only in a coma Harry. Your fight with Voldemort had drained you of your energy, but you didn’t sustain any permanent injuries, even your hand has healed.”

 

“Oh.” He closed his eyes and sighed.

 

“Is it…” Hermione swallowed hard. Then she took hold of his hand and he looked at her again. “…is it what you wanted? To die?”

 

“Yes.” Just a simple yes, no explanation, not the slightest disagreement.

 

“But why? Why Harry?”

 

“I am the bringer of death. That’s what I was destined to be from the moment I was born. I need love to be able to kill.”

 

“I don’t understand…”

 

“My mother, she died to save me. She sacrificed her love and that gave me power to survive and defeat Voldemort. But it was not enough. It could have been if I hadn’t been so stupid to get caught by Voldermort and help him gain power. Now her death was not enough anymore. Someone else had to die. Sirius. His love helped me to kill. Everyone who had loved me, really loved me, had to sacrifice themselves for me. I’ve fulfilled the prophecy. Why can’t I find peace?”

 

Hermione started to cry again. “Harry listen to me. What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense. But I know you believe it now, so I won’t try to change your mind. Even if what you say is true, don’t you think that the price, how high it may be, was worth it? Think of all the people you have saved! Of all the friends and loved ones you still have left. People that are happy and celebrating now instead of fighting and dying.”

 

“Does it matter?”

 

“How can you say that?!”

 

Harry sat up and looked his friend deep in the eyes. “What if you were me and Ron was Sirius? Would it all matter to you still?”

 

Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but closed it without emitting a word. She and Ron had been together since summer. They had decided that it was foolish to dance around each other when both of them could die any day and admitted their feelings for each other. They were so close that Hermione couldn’t even imagine losing him. “But I lo…,” but before she could finish the sentence the realisation fully downed. Tears started to run down her face again. Harry turned away from her and closed his eyes.

 

***

 

The afternoon and the following day were filled with people who came to congratulate Harry and wish him well. He answered with short and polite answers and faked smiles, but didn’t engage in any real conversation. His physical health was improving rapidly. Within three days he was transported to the Hogwarts’ Infirmary. After a week there he was declared healthy and was allowed to leave. The day before his release Dumbledore came to ask him what he wanted to do with the rest of the year. Harry answered that he needed rest to think things over and adjust to the new situation. He asked if he could have his own room. Though Dumbledore did not approve of Harry isolating himself from everyone, he could not refuse either. After all, he had given Hermione and Ron a room of their own too, though that was more due to the fact that otherwise they would sneak out of their dorm every night to meet each other and sending the heroes of Wizarding World to detention all the time was bad for morale and publicity.

 

So Harry got a room of his own and he immediately moved in. At first he still came to the Great Hall for breakfast and dinner and other pupils occasionally spotted him in the halls or the library. But as the days passed, he remained more and more often in his room. He didn’t even get out to eat so Hermione or Dobby had to bring him food. Other people were visiting him less and less. Some, like Ron, just had no idea what to do or what to say to him. Others were too preoccupied with their own lives and, as Harry wouldn’t even start or maintain a conversation, just decided to give up on him.

 

Some were afraid.

Harry and especially his room gave them the creeps. It had an aura of a tomb or a grim temple. The curtains were always drawn, there was no light except for some candles that were strategically placed under the photographs that covered all the walls in the room. Pictures of Harry’s dead godfather. Sirius at school, Sirius at the Potter’s wedding, Sirius with the first Order, a picture of an unknown second year student  on the platform nine and three quarters at the beginning of Harry’s fifth year with Padfoot in the background, and Harry’s favourite: a picture that was taken at the Grimmauld’s place. Arthur had found a very old muggle camera and had been ecstatic that the thing still worked. He proceeded to take pictures of everyone in the house, annoying the hell out of Molly.

 

The picture was black and white and not very sharp. Sirius wasn’t looking directly into the lens, but at some non existent point behind it, lost in deep thoughts. Harry used to stare at that particular photo for hours, searching for answers, trying to understand his godfather’s soul, his secrets, his whole being. He was also trying to understand his own feelings, but the picture was nothing more than a picture and didn´t hold any answers. So he just kept staring, lost in his own little world he had created.

 

That was the way Hermione would find him everyday now. It had been three months already since he got out of the coma and there wasn’t much difference between his comatose and his current state. Hermione was afraid that he would never come out of it, but she stubbornly refused to give up her everyday effort to try and get him to talk or to come out of his room or to at least eat.

 

It was nine pm and she was walking down the hall with Harry’s dinner. She opened his door and was about to say hello, when she noticed that something was wrong.

 

Harry’s bed was empty…


	4. Determination

~I'll find you somewhere.   
I'll keep on trying until my dying day.   
I just need to know whatever happened,   
the truth will free my soul.   
  
Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home.   
I want to embrace you and never let you go~

 

(Somewhere, Within Temptation)

 

 

Hermione looked everywhere for her friend that evening and the following day, but he was nowhere to be found. He was seen in the library late at night by some students, but others were convinced that he had left the Hogwarts’ grounds early the next morning. Hermione was worried. What could it be that had roused Harry out of his state of near catatonia and made him leave Hogwarts? That night she couldn’t get any sleep, hoping that her friend was alright.

 

She was tossing and turning in bed, when there was a knock on her door. A quick glance at the clock told her that it was two am. She slipped out of bed and pulled on her dressing gown. She was startled to see Harry on her doorstep, his clothes ruffled, glasses askew, hair sticking into all possible directions except down and a mad determination in his eyes. Hermione involuntarily made a step back.

 

“Harry, what happened? Where did you go off to?”

 

Harry just grabbed hold of her arm, none too gently, and leaned inside the door. “I need to talk to you. I need your help.”

 

“Harry, let go, you’re hurting me. Do you even have the slightest idea what time it is? And please keep your voice down, you’ll wake everyone.”

 

“Sorry.” He let go of her arm immediately. “Please come with me and I’ll explain.”

 

Hermione sighed and threw a backward glance to her bed, where Ron was still sleeping peacefully. “Alright.”

 

They moved swiftly through the silent halls until they found an empty classroom. They stepped inside and Harry locked the door. The whole situation started to creep Hermione out.

 

“Would you now please tell me what the hell is going on?”

 

“Sit down, this may take awhile.”

 

She sat down behind an empty desk and Harry took a place across from her. His eyes surveyed the room, not knowing where to start, then fixed on his best friend.

 

“I’m going to bring him back and I need your help to do so.”

 

There was a long silence within which Hermione was trying to comprehend what was said to her. Followed by…

 

“What?!”

 

“I’m going to bring Sirius back and I need your help with some of the aspects of the ritual,” Harry answered matter-of-factly.

 

She looked at him with a mingle of disbelieve and sadness. Like she thought he had finally lost it.

“Harry, you can’t bring him back. Sirius is dead.”

 

“You’re wrong. Yes he has fallen beyond the veil, but there is a way. There is a ritual that can bring people from beyond. I won’t lie to you. It’s dark magic, very dangerous dark magic that requires a lot of preparation, skill and a great deal of magical power. It can be compared with the ritual Voldemort used to get his body back.”

 

“But you told me yourself that Voldemort had invented this ritual. It was his creation. How can there be a ritual alike?”

 

“His ritual was actually based on a very old spell that could bring people back that had just died, whose souls hadn’t yet moved on. I have researched the nature of the Death Ark, that’s its actual, ancient name, and it is made to keep the souls of everyone who passes through trapped. So Sirius’ soul hasn’t gone beyond, yet.”

 

“But where did you get that information? The whole Ark is top-secret, not to speak of that old spell you’re talking about. It must be ancient and I’ve never heard about it.”

 

“The stuff about the Ark wasn’t very hard to find. There was something in the Restricted Section and at The Ministry itself. I sneaked in there last night. The spell was more difficult to come by. I had to go to the only witness. The one who had witnessed Voldemort make it. Wormtail.”

 

“You were in Azkaban today?!”

 

“Yes. So he told me everything he knew about the spell and the potion and the rest I managed to get with some research.”

 

“He just _told_ you everything he knew? Why should you believe a word he says?”

 

“I didn’t believe him. I forced him to drink a whole vial of Veritaserum before I questioned him.”

 

“And how exactly did you force him?”

 

“I let him feel exactly what my parents had felt the second before they died,” Harry’s face had turned grim at that statement, “and I told him that I would make that feeling stay with him forever if he wouldn’t tell me everything. I told him I was a legilemens and would know if he held something back. That’s pure bullshit off course, but he believed me.”

 

Hermione looked at him in horror. He was just sitting there telling her absolutely calm how he had broken an immense amount of laws, tortured and threatened Wormtail and now wanted to bring back the dead with a highly dangerous dark art’s ritual. She was shocked into silence for a moment, but then came the outburst.

 

“Harry James Potter have you finally gone completely mad?! You could have been arrested, you could have been killed! And now you want to meddle with Dark Arts? You can wind up dead and take the whole school with you! Do you understand that?”

 

Harry just let Hermione rant and patiently waited for her to calm down. When she sat down again and took a deep breath he started to talk again.

“I knew you would react like that. I won’t force you into helping me. It’s up to you. But no matter what you say, I won’t give it up. I won’t give Sirius up. Not when there is a chance. I need to know…I need to ask him…,” he was lost in his own thoughts for a moment. “I will do it, with or without your help. Think about it.” With that he stood up and walked out of the classroom leaving a baffled Hermione behind.

 

***

 

Hermione told Ron everything the next morning. He took it rather well. He told her to look on the bright side: at least Harry was up and actually doing something. Besides that, if they would manage to pull it off, they wouldn’t only get Sirius back, but, with a little luck, also the old Harry. Hermione was still angry, but let herself be persuaded to help her best friend. After classes they went looking for Harry and found him in the library bent over a bunch of old looking scrolls and books.

 

“Hi there Harry,” Ron greeted his friend cheerfully. Harry waved in return, not taking his eyes from the scroll he was engrossed in.

 

“I heard Snape was furious today. Says someone has been in his dungeon. You don’t happen to know who that was, now do you?”

 

“It was me. How else could I get my hands on Veritaserum?” Harry answered matter-of-factly, still reading. Ron burst in a fit of giggles and Hermione fumed. When Ron’s laughter died, helped by a well aimed elbow between his ribs by Hermione, he turned serious.

 

“Actually we came here not to talk about Snape. We came here to say we want to help you.” He lowered his voice to whisper and glanced around. “We want to help you bring Sirius back.”

 

At that Harry took his eyes from the scroll and looked at his friends. Then he did one thing he hadn’t done for an eternity it seemed; he smiled. Not the reassuring smirk he gave everyone who asked how he was doing, but a genuine open smile.

 

“Great!”

 

He beckoned them to sit down and started to tell them all he had found out so far. He had a vague description of the ritual, but some ingredients were hard to find, others needed to be made, the spell needed to be decrypted and the right date and time to perform the ritual needed to be calculated by the stars. Hermione was given the task to find out how to make some of the ingredients and where to find the others. Ron took out astronomy books and started to study different star calendars. Harry busied himself with the spell and the things Hermione couldn’t do, like stealing stuff or getting somewhere unnoticed. After a week of hard work, which Ron and Hermione had to combine with classes and homework, they finally figured out how to make all the ingredients, what the spell meant and when the ritual had to be preformed. The right date would be January the twelfth at half past midnight, so they had a little more than a month left to make all the necessary preparations. The next time the planets would be in the same stance would be 30 years later…    





	5. An old enemy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some blood and minor violence in this chapter. So trigger warning I guess. Also, Harry is pretty dark in this chapter.

 

~You're jaded, slated and singled out   
by all those chains that bind, that bind   
Take a jet plane my way lately   
Cause now you are mine, you are mine  
This airplane's goin’ my way  
cause now you're bound and tied~

 

(Bound & Tied, Creed)

 

 

Hermione was ticking on a washbasin with her fingers, Ron was pacing up and down the girls’ restroom. They had been doing so for at least an hour. It was January the fifth and the last date when the final ingredient could be added to the potion which Hermione had been brewing for a month now. No ingredient, no potion; no potion, no ritual; no ritual, no Sirius. And currently there was no Harry either.

 

They didn’t know that Harry was running up the stairs that very instant. The past month he had spent searching everywhere for different ingredients for the potion. Some were easily found in Snape’s potions cabinet or at The Ministry, but others were more tricky. He got some hairs of a creature whose name he couldn’t even pronounce from Hagrid, dragon ashes from Charlie and an old sacrificial goblet from Bill. That was fortunate, but other things he needed to gather himself. He went to Scotland to get a plant that only grew on a certain hill, had lured a Thestral with blood to get its hairs, got into Dumbledore’s office on false pretence to get phoenix tears and was now running back from the hardest mission so far. He was sent out by Hermione to get a unicorn hair. He had followed the creatures for a week, never losing them from his sight, which meant that he didn’t sleep. The unicorns are very proud and pure creatures and almost never let a human touch them. No matter how much Harry begged and pleaded they were unmoved, until the fatigue finally got him and he fell asleep on the ground. One female then took pity on him and before vanishing with the others left one of her hairs in his palm.

 

At the moment Hermione was about to run to the Forbidden Forest herself to search for Harry or the unicorns, the door of the girls’ restroom flew open to reveal a dirty, wounded and tired, but smiling happily, Harry Potter.

 

“I’ve got it.”

 

Hermione took the hair from him like it was the greatest treasure on this earth and added it to a cauldron that was prattling merrily upon magical fire. The potion within sputtered and changed color from green to blue. All three of them let out a sigh of relieve. The potion was a crucial part of the ritual, because it had to be given to the one you bring back in order to ground him. That was the only way his body would stay in this world and wouldn’t be sucked back beyond the veil.

 

“Well, only one thing left to do.”

 

“What is that? Sleep? You really look worn out Harry.”

 

“No, not sleep. One last part of the ritual.”

 

“But I thought we had everything. Harry?”

 

But Harry was already walking out of the door muttering something that sounded like ‘blood’.

 

***

 

It was already getting dark when Harry reached Azkaban. He stood outside the prison, in front of a magical barrier. It shielded the grounds around and the air above Azkaban. The barrier was made by Dumbledore and he had made sure no magical items could pass it, not even wands. There were only two people it the world at that moment who could open it: its maker and…

 

“Ostium!”

 

…Harry Potter. The normally invisible barrier glowed and there appeared a small opening within it. It grew and when it was big enough, Harry slipped through it, pushing the cape of the invisibility cloak over his head.

 

“Finite Incantatem.”  One wave of his wand and the opening disappeared.

 

The new security system in Azkaban was really brilliant. Even if someone would be able to break through the anti-magic barrier to get inside, they still wouldn’t be able to free any prisoners. Every prisoner had been given an invisible magical collar that was charmed to remain within Azkaban. Only the person who had put the collar on, was able to remove it: Dumbledore.

 

Concealed from sight, Harry moved on. Getting past the guards was easy. No one expected any break-ins into Azkaban, especially not with magical objects still on them. So he reached the floor he needed without any trouble. Immobilizing the guard and taking the key was just as simple. Harry quickly opened the door and stepped inside, shutting it immediately behind him. Taking off his cloak he looked into the eyes of his biggest, still living, enemy.

 

She was surprised to see him, but there was no trace of fear in her eyes.

 

“Hello Bellatrix.”

 

She was sitting on the ground in the corner of her cell. Her clothes were ragged and dirty and her hair all tangled. There was nothing of her beauty left in her features and she looked ten years older than when Harry had seen her last.

 

“Must feel nice to be home again, mustn’t it?” asked Harry vaguely gesturing around him. “You’ve spent so many years here already and now you’re going to stay here for the rest of your life. If you watch your health it can easily be a hundred years. Pure blood wizards tend to live long, especially with no Dementors sucking out pieces of your soul, not that you ever had one.”

 

“What do you want?” She tried to sound defiant, but her voice was shaky and weak, because it hadn’t been used in a long time.

 

Harry ignored her question. He saw her hand reach for her right wrist where the Dark Mark used to be. “You miss it don’t you?”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“The Mark. It disappeared when Voldemort died, didn’t it? That’s how you knew, that’s how all of you knew that he was gone forever.”

 

Bellatrix jumped to her feat, but didn’t approach Harry. “How dare you speak his name!”

 

“Oh please. The guy is gone, his soul is destroyed, I’ve taken care of that, deal with it. You’ve lost.” It was true and she knew it. There was nothing she could do, so she just slipped back to the floor and looked away.

 

“Why did you come? What is it that you want from me half-blood scum?”

 

At that Harry took out a small dagger. It was littered with runes and jewels, like a sacrificial instrument. Bellatrix’ eyes grew wide, but she still didn’t show any fear, it was mostly surprise.

 

“Do you want to kill me? Is that it? Do you think I care?”

 

But Harry dismissed that. “Don’t be silly. Why should I shorten your punishment? Being locked up here for another century is worse that death.”

 

She let out a mirthless laughter. “New power will rise. That happens all the time.”

 

“You’re probably right,” he took a vial out of his pocket and proceeded to approach Bellatrix, “but do you really think that the they will really care about some old Death Eaters, that let themselves be defeated and captured twice? I don’t think so. You’ll rot here ‘till you die, Bella.”

 

He was now standing in front of her and at that moment she decided to attack, but before she could do something, he got out his wand and shielded himself from her clawing hands.

“Don’t be foolish. You can’t hurt me, but I can bring you unbearable pain. Remember when I tried to put the cruciatus on you and you told me that you have to mean it to do it? Now I can. I can put any curse on you to make your life here even more torturous.” He grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand closer to the knife.

 

“Now let’s not use up my precious time, shall we? I came here for one thing only.” And with that Harry made a deep gash in Ballatrix’ wrist, letting the blood drip into the vial. She struggled, but to no avail. Harry’s grip felt like iron around her arm. When the stream dried up, he slashed again at the arm. When the vial was full he finally let go of her wrist and corked the vial.

 

“That ought to be enough.”

 

He turned to leave, but then Bella’s voice stopped him.

 

“What the hell? Are you totally insane? What did you need my blood for anyway?”

 

“I need your blood to resurrect the man you’ve killed. Your cousin, Sirius Black. I believe you remember him?”

 

“What?” Then she started to laugh. “There is no way you can do that, you silly boy.”

 

Harry smirked at her. “We’ll see. They said the same about killing Voldemort, now didn’t they?” He walked out of the cell, Bellatrix’ insane laughter dying behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Ostium' is doorway/entrance in Latin.


	6. The ritual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter I’ve used some references from different religions, such as Wicca. I don’t mean to offend anyone. I have much respect for the wiccans and other religions. This is pure fiction.

~Offering of this blood  
Into the flames and without shame

[…]

Incantations I so hope you've heard  
That you live again  
From deep earth brings forth rebirth  
Witness but I shant believe

[…]

On yours I recite  
An ancient spell I know so well  
Success is guaranteed  
I'll bring you back from where you've gone

[…]

High be the price but then nothing is free  
My soul I'll gladly trade~

 

(All Hallow’s eve, Type O Negative)

 

 

The time he had left before the date of the ritual Harry spent resting to spare his energy, and practicing all kinds of spells just to make him sharp again. The task that lay before him was complicated and he could never be sure that it would indeed be Sirius, who would step out of that veil and not something dangerous and nasty. He had to be strong, alert and prepared to face anything.

 

***

 

The days of rest flew by and Harry, Ron and Hermione suddenly found themselves on January the twelfth, at ten pm standing before the phone booth that would take them into The Ministry. Harry turned to his friends.

 

“Listen, this is the last moment you can leave. If you come with me and something goes wrong, I might not be able to protect you both.”

 

“We are quite capable of taking care of ourselves,” came Hermione’s brisk answer.

 

“I know you are, but this is not your average magic, this is the strongest form of the Dark Arts.”

 

“We know that Harry. But we are a team, remember? We won’t let you do this alone, no matter what you say.” Ron placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder and squeezed gently.

 

“Thank you. Both of you.”

 

“Alright, you ready?” Ron and Hermione nodded.

 

The three of them squeezed into the phone booth and Harry dialed the number. A cool female voice filled the small space, asking them to state their purpose. Then three badges rattled into the basket for the change. On each of them the text: ‘Chaperones of Sirius Black’ was written upon. Harry chuckled as he handed over Ron’s and Hermione’s badges. The booth sank into the ground and took them down to the lobby.

 

In the lobby they noticed that with the Minister some other things had been changed at The Ministry of Magic. The last time Harry had been at The Ministry at night it had been deserted. Now there was a guard sitting behind the desk, looking utterly bored.

 

“Great. Thanks dad, nice work.”

 

“It’s a good thing Mr. Weasley has put night guards at this place, Ron. If the Ministry had done so earlier, Sirius might still be alive,” said Harry.

 

“You’re right, but that still doesn’t solve our problem. How do we get past him?”

 

“Invisibility cloak?” asked Hermione hopeful.

 

“No. We’ll never fit under it with all the stuff we are carrying,” Harry pointed at the two bags they had with them. “Besides, we cannot be interrupted during the ritual. I think I have to stun him.”

 

“Harry no! You can’t just go on stunning innocents. Let me try to persuade him, ok? If it doesn’t work, …well then I can’t stop you, but at least let me try. You two have to play along with my story though.”

 

By then the guard had spotted them and was walking their way, a wand in one of his hands.

 

“What are you kids doing here at night?”

 

Hermione and with her Ron and Harry stepped into the light and Harry shook his hair back, revealing his scar. The guard stopped dead in his tracks. Everyone knew Harry and his two best friends, he was no exception. The guard looked worried: where the three went, trouble usually followed.

 

“It’s you. Ehm, is something wrong?”

 

“No, nothing is wrong, sir. We just wanted to speak to Sirius. Sirius Black.” The guard looked even more confused now. Just like everyone in the Wizarding World knew who Harry Potter was, everyone also knew that his godfather, Sirius Black, had died protecting him. Hermione was not moved by the reaction. She took the man by the hand and leaned closer and lowered her voice. She made sure though, that Harry and Ron could hear what was said.

 

“Sir, I know he is gone, but we still like to talk to him. It’s like visiting a grave. We believe he can hear us, or at least can feel our affection. It’s _very_ important for Harry.”

 

“I understand, but is this really the right time? Aren’t you three supposed to be at Hogwarts?”

 

“We don’t really have restrictions anymore after what we’ve been through. We know The Ministry is closed, but you must understand that this is a delicate matter. To visit during the day would attract too much unwanted attention. You seem a reasonable man sir. Please don’t send us away.” She put up her sweetest smile. Ron whispered ‘No one can resist that’ and Harry kicked him for talking.

 

The man wavered, looking at the three of them. Then his features softened. “Oh, ok. I guess you can take care of yourself. Besides, what can happen? If you’ll follow me now, I’ll take you there and make sure you won’t be disturbed by my colleagues.”

 

“Oh thank you so much!” Hermione exclaimed in her most girlish voice.

 

They followed the man, though they knew the way perfectly by heart. It was half past ten, when they stood before the door that would lead them to the Death Room and everything seemed to go smoothly. Until…

 

“What are those bags for? If you don’t mind me asking. Do you want me to keep them behind the counter for you?”

 

“No!” Came the three replies in unison. Ron looked nervous from Harry to Hermione and back, Hermione didn’t know what to say. It was Harry, who recovered first and came with the perfect lie.

 

“There are Sirius’ things in them. We thought that maybe if we surround ourselves with his stuff…”

 

“…it would really feel like he is with us,” finished Hermione.

 

The man smiled. “What a beautiful gesture. I think he would like that.” And with that he opened the right door for the trio to go through. “Take as much time as you need.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

The door fell shut and Ron leaned against it, exhaling dramatically. “That was close.”

 

Harry put a locking charm on the door, just in case. Then he walked around the room putting up silencing charms all around them.

 

“Well, we have nearly 2 hours ‘till the ritual has to be done. I suggest we start with the preparations, so that everything is set and ready. Then we wait.

 

 

And so it began.

Four candles were placed on four sides of the round podium, each representing one of the four elements: earth, wind, fire and water, and each set in the corresponding direction of the wind. Then Harry took a chalice and filled it with water mingled with salt. He dipped a knife with a white heft in it and walked around the podium, drawing a circle. It would protect the people within the circle from all influence from outside it. Hermione lit the incense she had made especially for the ritual and Harry proceeded to clean the space from all negative energy. Each part of the preparation took a lot of time, because they couldn’t afford to make a single mistake.

 

After the cleansing spell was done, Harry sat down on the floor and closed his eyes. Hermione and Ron followed his example. The rest of the time they spent on concentrating their energy and thoughts on the ritual that was to come.

 

At midnight Harry stood up looking at his friends.

 

“Are you ready?” He was answered with two solemn nods.

 

Harry took a vial out of the bag and with a powder that was inside it he made a large circle around the Archway and the three of them. He called out a couple of incantations and the circle blazed with a blue fire, startling Ron.

 

“The fire isn’t hot, Ron. It’s perfectly safe to walk through it, but don’t. If you break the circle, the ritual is ruined.”

 

Next, a small, collapsible cauldron came out of the bag. Harry poured half of the potion into it. The other half was meant for Sirius to drink. With his wand Harry ignited a fire under the cauldron. Then he started the chant for the ritual:

 

“Envious Archway, bringer of death, taker of lives.” He threw a pinch of powder into the cauldron and thick, grey smoke started to rise from its surface. “You took without asking. You took what wasn’t yours.” Another pinch, this time a different ingredient. The smoke turned red. Hermione started with the chant too, so now their voices were chanting in cannon. “We are here to take back what was stolen from our world.” Now Ron joined in with the chant. “Take this offering and give a life in return, a life greatly missed by all.” Another ingredient was added and the smoke, that had turned green, filled the circle. “This offering is rare, for it holds the sources of life. A life for a life. Hair of a unicorn and tears of a phoenix, a gift so precious you’re bound to accept.” Harry took out a photograph of Sirius and held it in the smoke. “This is the life I ask of you. The life that was taken before its end.”

 

All three of them closed their eyes, picturing Sirius as accurate as they could in their mind’s eye. The last thing they wanted was to bring someone different back. Harry took a vial out of his pocket and took the cork out. “This is the blood of his killer, a sinner, our enemy. Let her hate help to resurrect him and let that be her punishment. Take her offering!” With that he poured the contests of the vial into the cauldron, which gave a roar at that. “As last, take this, an offering of my undying love in all its honesty, virgin blood to show my pure intentions.” Harry took out a beautifully decorated dagger out of the bag and slashed his wrist, letting the blood drip into the cauldron. The flames flickered and an unnatural wind started to blow. The veil trembled. “Now that you have your offering, give me my reward!” Harry glanced at his watch. 12.28. Perfect. “Sirius Black, hear me! Return to the world of the living! I am the wizard that summons thee! Listen to my call! Come to me!” The wind blew violently and the veil trembled more, but nothing else happened.

 

Harry was becoming desperate. “Sirius Black, you son-of-a-bitch, get your ass in here! Don’t you dare leaving your godson waiting! Don’t leave me alone after all I’ve done!” The wind howled and suddenly all its force was directed at Harry, who felt his energy being sucked out of him and screamed in agony. He grabbed the hands of his friends, who were standing on either side of him and they felt their power drain from them too. Suddenly there was a loud bang as a couple of things happened at once: the cauldron exploded, the wind turned into a twister and something launched itself from the veil onto Harry, knocking him back and breaking his contact with his Ron and Hermione.

 

 

As the smoke cleared and the wind died down, Hermione saw all the ritual ingredients scattered around the room and on the ground, in the middle of it lay Harry with on top of him a very confused Sirius. The man looked around, apparently not understanding how he got there, and then he looked at Harry. “H…Harry? What happened?” The boy was unable to speak, there were tears of relieve and joy welling up in his eyes and he brought his hands up to touch Sirius’ face, to insure himself that he was real.

 

“Sirius.” A simple statement with a load of weight attached to it.

 

“Are you alright? Oh, Merlin, you’re bleeding! Harry? Harry!” But the boy was already unconscious.

 

By then Hermione had made her way to them. She checked Harry’s pulse and established that he was alright.

 

“He’s exhausted, Sirius. He just needs to sleep. You on the other hand need to drink this immediately.” She handed the man a small bottle.

 

“But wh…?”

 

“No questions, just drink, I’ll explain later. We haven’t got much time.”

 

Ron came over to them too.

“We need to get them both to the infirmary as soon possible,” stated Hermione.

 

“Yeah I know, but how the hell are we getting out of here and past that guard with a bleeding, unconscious Harry Potter and a dead man walking, literally?”

 

“Good point.”  





	7. Reunion

~Thinking and thinking, it’s  going too deep

The borders are gone now, even in his sleep

Where is the beginning, where is the end?

What will you go through, where do you stand?~

 

(Crown of thoughts, Autumn)

 

 

Hermione bandaged Harry’s wrist and told Sirius in short what was going on. It turned out that the last thing he remembered was the fight with Bellatrix. He was winning, but suddenly there was a sharp pain in his chest and he was falling backwards into something soft. Then darkness. Emptiness. Nothing. It was like everything had stopped. Then his mind stirred. It registered slowly that it was still dark. He couldn’t feel his body or really think, but he knew that something or someone was calling him. A call that was very important. He had to answer. He had to follow the voice. The voice grew sharper and louder and there was a tingling feeling, like his limbs were waking up and being pulled into the direction from where the sound was coming. Then the next thing he recalled was blinding light and falling onto something soft. And then there was Harry.

 

It was a shock for Sirius to know that he had spent months beyond the veil when it only had seemed a couple of minutes. He was sitting on the floor, unconscious Harry in his arms and the empty bottle where the grounding potion had been in his hand. His limbs felt awkward, like he hadn’t used them for a while, which actually was the truth. Hermione was still talking, telling him as much as she could while gathering all the remnants of the ritual into the bags. Sirius was amazed to hear that Voldemort was gone. That Harry had defeated him single-handedly. He felt pride and love for his godson.

 

Hermione did a cleaning spell, erasing all the evidence of what had taken place there just a couple of minutes ago. Ron was putting the last things into the remaining bag, the other already filled.

 

“So Hermione have you got a plan to get us out of here?”

 

“Yes, actually I do. We have the invisibility cloak with us right?” Ron took it out. “Good. Sirius, if you cover yourself with it and stay very close to us, we’ll be able to get to Hogwarts unnoticed.”

 

“And what about Harry?”

 

“We’ll levitate him.”

 

“But…”

 

“Ron, leave the explanations to me.”

 

Ron sighed. “Ok.”

 

 

So Sirius put on the invisibility cloak and went to stand between Hermione, who levitated Harry in front of them, and Ron who was lifting the both bags. Outside the Death Room all was quiet, but when they reached the elevator a person was coming their way.

 

“I was about to come and pick you up, because it took so long…,” the guard then saw the floating body of Harry. “What happened? Is something wrong with him?”

 

Hermione immediately put on her brilliant, fake smile. “No, don’t worry sir. All the emotions became too much for the poor thing,” she stroked Harry’s hair. “He is asleep, worn out. We’ll just take him back to Hogwarts.”

 

“Oh, alright. Did everything go as planned?”

 

“Yes, even better. I think he’ll be finally able to go on with his life now.” Ron smirked.

 

“Good, good. Do you want me to take you to Hogwarts?”

 

“Ehm, it would be great if we could use a portkey.”

 

“Sure, no problem, follow me.”

 

The man brought them into a small room. And took off a cloth from a ragged looking hat.

“This won’t take you into Hogwarts, but as close to it as possible.”

 

“Thank you.” Hermione was about to round everyone up by the portkey, but then remembered something.

 

“Sir you’ve done so much for us tonight and we didn’t even ask your name.”

 

“It’s Stephen Harlow.”

 

“Nice to meet you. We won’t forget your kindness.”

 

Then they came closer to the table and Hermione asked if Ron was ready, the question was secretly directed to Sirius and when she felt soft pressure on her arm, she took Harry’s hand, said goodbye to Harlow and on the count of three touched the hat.

 

***

 

They reappeared just outside the Hogwarts’ grounds.

“Is everyone alright?” Ron nodded and Sirius took off the hood of the cloak to show that he had arrived safely as well. They continued their way towards the castle with Hermione telling Sirius more of the past events. He had a lot to catch up on, so when they reached the Great Hall Hermione had only told him half of all the important events.

 

It was two o’clock in the morning when they reached the infirmary. Ron tapped softly on the door and when no response came, he knocked harder. The third time he banged on the door rather hard and only then did they hear footsteps coming their way and a muffled voice.

 

“I’m coming, I’m coming. Keep it down a bit. You’ll wake up the whole school!” The door opened and a sleepy looking Madame Pomfrey stood in the doorway in her nightgown with an oil lamp in her hand. “You three! I should have known that. What have you done now?” Through the years that Harry had been in Hogwarts, he had become a regular visitor of the infirmary and Madame Pomfrey always scolded his friends for letting him get hurt even after his battle with Voldemort.

 

She freed a bed and levitated Harry towards it. She quickly checked him up and diagnosed that he was exhausted and drained of magical energy, again, but further he was fine. She covered him with a blanket and drew the curtains around his bed.

 

“He should stay here, until he is fully recovered.” She picked up the lamp and made an attempt to walk back to her room, when Hermione stopped her.

 

“Madam Pomfrey, we need you to check up on someone else as well.” She nodded to her left and Sirius took his invisibility cloak off. Madam Pomfrey let out a shriek and dropped the lamp, which Hermione mended again with her wand and set it on a nearby table. “Please, let us know if he’s alright?”

 

The medi-witch raised her wand at Sirius with a trembling hand. It took her half an hour to completely examine him and the outcome was that he was very healthy, all his scars were gone and he seemed younger than his age. “Well,” she put her wand down and sighed, “he is healthy, though I have no idea how that is possible, but I think I’ll keep him here for at least one more day for observation.”

 

Hermione and Ron asked if they could stay the night too and after a bit of whining Poppy let them. They tried to stay up and watch over Harry, but soon Ron fell asleep and Hermione followed his example short after. Sirius carried them both to the empty beds in the infirmary and stayed up all night to watch over them.

 

****

 

_Harry was running. Running fast through what seemed to be liquid darkness. It was hard to breathe and move, but he knew that he had to keep on running. There was something important he needed to do. Then he saw it. In the darkness there was something solid. An archway with a veil covering the entrance. That was it. Sirius. He had to rescue Sirius. Harry started to run even faster, gasping for breath. The arch seemed miles away. It was nearly unreachable. Then he saw a hand emerge from behind the veil and suddenly he stood right in front of it. He grabbed hold of the hand and pulled, but no matter how much force he used, no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get Sirius out. He was slipping away. Harry’s hands were becoming slippery and he was loosing grip. Then he felt a presence behind him, someone or something he could feel, but not see. That someone put their hands on his and helped him pull. Immediately the body behind the veil gave in and in a second Sirius was standing in front of Harry, smiling. But his smile faded when he looked at something behind Harry. A look of fear and horror on his face. Harry turned to look behind him and screamed…_

 

 

Harry sat upright in bed, the scream dying on his lips. Strong hands were holding him, soothing him, and a familiar voice shushed him, saying everything was alright and that he had had a bad dream. Harry reached for his glasses and when he put them on, the foggy figure became Sirius. He looked concerned and was wiping the sweat off Harry’s brow. Harry sighed with relieve. Everything was alright. Sirius was here with him, they were safe. He felt a weight on his left and saw a sleepy Hermione sitting next to him. Ron was getting up from his bed behind her.

 

“Are you alright Harry?”

 

“Y…Yeah, just a dream, a nightmare.”

 

“Voldemort?”

 

“Yes.” Harry didn’t know why he lied to them about his dream, it seemed easier perhaps, because the dream didn’t really matter, right?

 

 

His three friends told him about what happened after he had fainted and discussed how they should repay Harlow for his deeds. Harry was very glad that Hermione had asked the man his name. Then Harry and Sirius talked some more about what had happened that year. Sirius was smiling at Harry’s description of Fudge’s face when he had told him that he was being replaced by a Weasley, when the door opened. Sirius dove for the invisibility cloak, but was stopped by a deep voice.

 

“Don’t bother Sirius, I already know you’re back.” Albus Dumbledore walked into the infirmary and closed the door behind him. Harry, Hermione and Ron looked down at their feet. They had been dreading this. The moment had come that they would get scolded for their actions.

 

“Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley, would you mind going downstairs and bringing Harry here some lunch? Oh, and while you’re there, eat something yourselves too. It’s noon already. Sirius, can you still transform into your animagus form?”

 

“I’m not sure. Let me try.” Sirius stepped back from the bed and the next moment there was a big, black dog standing in the infirmary.

 

“Good, good. Then you can follow these two downstairs, I’d like to have a word with Mr. Potter in private.” Hermione and Ron nodded and left. Padfoot reluctantly followed them. 

 

Harry still sat on his bed, eyes turned to the ground when Dumbledore began.

 

“Harry, are you aware that what you’ve done was incredibly dangerous and selfish?”

The boy opened his mouth to say something, but Albus raised his hand to silence him.

 

“I do not say that I don’t understand your reasons, I do, but they still don’t justify your deeds. I didn’t stop you, because I knew you would hate me for it forever and would still go against me, therein lies my weakness.” The old wizard sighed and sat down on the edge of Harry’s bed.

 

“Did you even think of the consequences? That you were meddling with such dangerous powers, that, should anything go wrong it could mean not only death to you and your friends, but also put the whole Wizarding World in danger?”

 

Harry barely visibly shook his head.

“And have you thought about what’s best for Sirius? He doesn’t remember anything according to Poppy. That’s fortunate. But what if he did? What if you had brought him back into the cruel reality after he had been in some good place?”  


“Y…You mean heaven?”

 

“I don’t know if there is something like that, but what if there was? Or if he had been in an awful place? If you had brought him back from there, he would be a shadow of himself. Terrified of everything, afraid of death, which he would know would eventually come.”

 

A deep silence followed Dumbledore’s words in which Harry was contemplating what had been said. His eyes were wide and he was shaking his head wildly. Those things had never crossed his mind before.

Dumbledore petted his hair.

 

“Oh well, what’s done is done. No use worrying about it. But you have placed a responsibility upon yourself for the one you have brought back and for any consequences the ritual has.”

 

“I understand. I take that responsibility.” Harry answered without thinking, because how hard could it be? The worst was over, what could possibly happen now? Right?


	8. Never leave my side

~Now

Now that you’re here

Stay with me Light Years

Light Years ~

(Light Years, Heather Nova)

 

 

They sat together in silence until the others came back. Hermione was carrying a stack of sandwiches and Ron was eating one. Padfoot had a sandwich in his mouth, which he dropped into Harry’s lap.

 

“Sorry Padfoot, I’m not particularly fond of dog drool for breakfast.”

 

Sirius turned back into his human form and huffed indignantly, “I´ll have you know, dog saliva is cleaner than that of humans.”

 

“Alright, let me rephrase that,” said Harry, dumping the sandwich into the bin, “I’m not fond of any drool, especially when it’s on my food and doesn’t belong to me.”

 

They all laughed, including Sirius, and Harry accepted a sandwich from Hermione that was drool-free. Sirius took one too. Since his days in Azkaban he really couldn’t leave any food to waste. This behaviour obviously hadn’t changed after his death and rebirth.

 

They were silent, until Dumbledore turned and looked at Sirius.

“And what are we going to do with you?”

 

“Whaddayamean?” Sirius swallowed and cleaned his throat. “What do you mean?”

 

“Well, you can’t spend the rest of your life hiding under that cloak, now can you?”

 

“Can’t we just tell the truth?” asked Ron.

 

“Sure Ron, we tell the whole Wizarding World about the highly forbidden ritual we have performed and spend the rest of our lives in Azkaban!” Hermione burst out.

 

“There, there, Miss Granger, I don’t think it’ll get that far, but it is true that Harry could get in discredit for this,” soothed Dumbledore.

 

“I don’t care! I brought Sirius back to give him back the life that he was so long denied, I won’t sentence him to hiding again. He has suffered enough. If I have to pay for my actions so be it.”

 

“Please calm down Harry, I’m sure we can figure something out.”

 

“I can leave.” All faces turned to Sirius “I have lived on the run, so how hard can it be to just live in another country? I really don’t want to put Harry in trouble, he has done enough for me already.”

 

“No! You can’t leave! …I…I mean all your friends are here…and…I …” Harry trailed off blushing.

 

“I must agree with Harry. You shouldn’t leave right now. We don’t know anything about possible side-effects of the spell and potion, so I think it’s better for you to stay at Hogwarts at least until the end of this school year. After that you are free to go wherever you want, but you must know that Hogwarts is always in need of new teachers.”

 

“Y…You’re offering me a job?” Sirius looked perplexed.

 

“You don’t have to take on the offer if you don’t want to. It’s your choice.”

 

“No, that’s not what I meant. I feel very honoured! I’ve just never done anything remotely to teaching. It has been so long since I even had a job.”

 

“Oh, but that says nothing. What about all your real-live experience with the Dark Arts? I think you know more about defending yourself than a bunch of trained teachers.”

“Not the DADA post! I don’t want him to die…again,” exclaimed Harry.

 

Ron ad Hermione giggled. Dumbledore looked stern.

“Of all the students in Hogwarts I really thought you wouldn’t believe the nonsense about the position being jinxed or something. It’s ridiculous.”

 

“With all due respect sir, but we have proof. I mean in the six years I’ve spend at this school not one DADA teacher lasted more than a year.” Harry started to count on his fingers. “One died, two ended up at St Mungo’s, one spent a year in a trunk…”

 

Dumbledore raised his hands in defence. “Alright, alright, I see your point. It was just a suggestion you know.”

 

The room fell silent again, until Ron decided to ask the question that was on everyone’s mind.

“So if Sirius will be staying at Hogwarts for some time, how are we supposed to keep him hidden from the rest of the school?”

 

“We can’t. We have to eventually tell everyone he’s back. It is better though to go discretely about the matter. I was thinking of telling the truth to a few trusted Order-members. Then form some believable story to tell the rest.”

 

“Who should we tell the truth then?”

 

“Arthur Weasley?” suggested Hermione.

 

“Are you nuts?! My dad’s gonna kill me!”

 

“Hmm, maybe we should wait with telling him. He is the Minister of Magic now and it would be indecent towards him to make him carry such a secret. Remus Lupin perhaps?”

 

Sirius’ face lit up after hearing his best friend’s name. “Of course! Moony! He would surely understand and help us.” 

 

“Yes, I believe you’re right,” mused Dumbledore, “but he is out of town right now. I believe he has found a job in Scotland. So I’m afraid that he won’t be of much help to us, even if he really wanted to. What about Kingsley? There is no other person who has made up so many stories about Sirius, which people actually believed and we know we can trust him.”

 

Harry thought about it for a moment then hesitantly agreed.

 

“Tonks?” A long silence, then a nod.

 

“And I think we need a teacher too.”

 

“Not Snape! Ehm, I mean, I don’t think…”

 

“I didn’t mean professor Snape, though you really should start trusting him, Harry. I meant Professor McGonagall.”

 

“Oh right, of course.” He knew that she was stern and he’d probably get scolded by her, but at the same time Harry cared about the woman very much. She was strict, but very loyal, helpful and honest. He didn’t know a better person in Hogwarts to keep his secret.

 

“Alright then. I shall contact those people. Ron and Hermione, if you would be so kind to send an owl to professor Lupin. Don’t tell him yet, in case the letter gets into the wrong hands, but ask him if he could find a weekend to visit Hogwarts. Say it’s important.” They nodded. Dumbledore turned to Sirius and Harry. “And you two, just lay low here for a day or two until everything is handled. I tell Poppy not to let any students come here.”

 

They thanked the Headmaster and he left the infirmary. Ron and Hermione left soon after. They still had classes to attend and it would be best not to draw attention to their absence.    

 

That only left Sirius and Harry in the room. The animagus studied his godson intensely and Harry started to feel uncomfortable under that gaze.

 

“Is something wrong Sirius?”

 

“No, nothing. I was just thinking.”

 

“About what?”

 

“You, actually. Molly was right you know. I used to compare you to James. I see my stupidity in the matter now. I couldn’t have been more wrong. You are definitely your father’s son Harry, but even at the age of 16 you’ve already surpassed your dad in so many ways. James was a good man and a good friend, but you are amazing, you’re extraordinary. I can’t tell you how proud I am of you Harry, how proud of everything you have accomplished.”

 

The green-eyed boy blushed a deep shade of red. No one had ever said anything like that to him before. He felt a strange sensation course through his body, something he hadn’t felt for years: happiness. Harry awkwardly reached out to Sirius and hugged him. His godfather answered the hug with bone-crushing intensity.

 

When they parted Harry tried to strike up a conversation, being still worn out from the ritual and his nightmare, he soon found himself drifting back to sleep.

 

***

 

_Harry was spinning. Spinning so fast that everything around him was a blur. He felt happy. He dimly realised that the happy feeling had something to do with the strong arms around his waist. Holding him. They would never let him fall. Sirius’ arms. Sirius. That’s right, everything was alright now, though he wasn’t sure why, because it’s hard to think when you’re spinning round and round and round and…_

_When did it turn so dark around him? Why was it getting so cold? Cold. Where did the chill come from? Hands, yes, such cold hands digging into his sides. It was getting harder and harder to breath. He couldn’t free himself from the cold embrace. Why was this happening? It should just be happiness and spinning and Sirius._

_“Did you really think you could be happy? That your actions would go unpunished? Silly, silly, selfish boy.”_

_That voice. It came from where Sirius should have been, but it wasn’t quite his voice. ‘Open your eyes,’ Harry told himself. ‘Something is wrong. Open your eyes.’ He first saw hands, but they were wrong somehow. They shouldn’t be so white, so thin, so…dead. ‘Look up, look up now.’ Darkness and cold all around him and Sirius. But no, his face, also very wrong somehow. Too white, too bony. And then Harry saw his eyes. At least, they should have been eyes, warm, grey, but there was nothing. Darkness, emptiness. Two black pools of nothingness. It seemed they would suck him in, into death._

_“NO!” He struggled with all his might. Laughter, cold, flat laughter._

_“Sirius!”_

 

Harry sat upright in his bed for the second time that day. He was shaking and cold sweat was running down his back. It was still dark and hands were still holding him. He struggled against them and yelped.

 

“Harry, calm down, what’s wrong? You’ll wake up the whole school, shhh. It’s ok, you’re safe. It was only a dream.” Slowly Sirius’ soothing words started to sink in and the darkness around him turned out to be not as complete as in his dream. He was in the infirmary and had slept the whole afternoon and a part of the evening. The sun had already set. Sirius was still holding him, gently rubbing his back to calm him. Harry relaxed a little, but still couldn’t control his body. It was still trembling and his breath was uneven. It was only a nightmare, he knew that now, but it had seemed so very real. So much more frightening than his previous one now that he actually could remember what made him scream in his dream.

 

“A bad dream?”

Harry nodded.

 

“What was it about?”

 

“N…nothing, it doesn’t matter.”

 

“You sure? You were screaming my name.” 

Harry shuddered.

“It’s ok if you don’t want to talk about it.”

 

Harry nodded again. When Sirius made a move to release him, Harry grabbed his shoulders and held on to him.

“C…could you stay with me? Please? Just for a little while?”

 

“Of course.” Sirius laid them both down on Harry’s bed and pulled a blanket around them. Gradually he felt the smaller body pressed against him stop trembling and Harry’s breathing even.

 

“Sirius are you asleep?” came a soft whisper.

 

“No?”

 

“Do you want to sleep? I mean, am I keeping you from sleeping?”

 

“No. Somehow after being dead for months I don’t really feel like sleeping.”

Harry sniggered.

 

“Could you tell me a story?”

 

Sirius smiled. “What do you want to hear?”

 

“Tell me something about when you and my dad were at school together.”

 

“My memory of that is still kind of foggy, because of Azkaban, but I’ll try to remember what I can.”

 

 

They talked the whole night and into the next morning about everything from Sirius’s childhood to Quidditch and from Harry’s first year at Hogwarts to his last summer at the Dursleys’. They talked about everything, except of what Harry meant to say before he got Sirius back. But, Harry thought, it can wait. We now have the time of our lives to spend together. It’ll be said some other time. It’s not that important now…


	9. The plan

~ I put my hands where your wings should be,  
I put my feet where the earth should be  
And I can't see very far  
And when you said that you were dead I hung on.  
  
Something I feel,   
You are an angel, or maybe you could've been  
Something out here  
You are an angel or maybe you could've been.~

(Maybe an angel, Heather Nova)

 

 

In the afternoon Harry and Sirius were visited by Minerva McGonnagall. She looked sternly at Harry, but didn’t say anything, instead she nodded at Sirius and said that it was good to see him again. She told them that according to Madame Pomfrey they were both healthy and could leave the infirmary if they would promise to come to her immediately should anything happen in the next few weeks. Sirius was to stay in Harry’s room, which had been magically enlarged and where an extra bed was placed, until the staff and some students were informed of his presence. They were allowed to take walks on the Hogwarts’ grounds and in the castle, but they should be careful that no one would recognize Sirius yet.

 

“Professor, have Dumbledore and the others come up with a plan?”

 

“Yes, they have thought up a story as a matter of fact. It’s quite simple, but believable as it will be backed up by two honorable Ministry members. I only fear that some people would find the fact that a wizard came back from the dead worrying…”

 

***

 

“What do you mean ‘he just came back?’”

 

“It’s like I’ve said before, Severus, he was released from behind the veil. Apparently it wasn’t his time to die yet.”

 

“But…but that’s impossible!” the potions master wore an almost comical expression of shocked disgust. “No one has ever returned from there, it’s like returning from the dead!”

 

“Well, as it seems Sirius is the first. We don’t really know what that archway is after all. It’s one of the unraveled mysteries of the Wizarding World.” Dumbledore hid a smile with big difficulty at seeing Snape totally perplexed.

 

“I just have the feeling that Potter has something to do with this.”

 

“Oh nonsense Severus. The boy has been at Hogwarts the whole time.”

 

Even Snape had nothing to say to that. He knew deep inside that all the strange things at Hogwarts were in some way connected to Harry Potter, but he had no prove whatsoever.  

 

***

 

At the same time Tonks was handing in a report at the Ministry. She and Kingsley had made sure that they were alone at the Department of Mysteries by closing time the previous day. They waited two hours and then fire-called Arthur Weasley. Tonks told him that Sirius had miraculously returned from behind the veil and that Kingsley had brought him over to Hogwarts by request of Dumbledore. That he was being checked by Madame Pomfrey. Mr. Weasley immediately offered to come to Hogwarts, but Tonk persuaded him not to. She promised to write everything down in a report and hand it in when Arthur would come to work the next day. So she did. The report read:

 

_January the 13 th I was writing a report about my latest search party. Seven Death Eaters had been caught and five managed to get away. The mission had been dangerous and troublesome, so I didn’t manage to finish my report before closing time. When I looked at my watch it was seven p.m. I packed my things and headed for the exit until something caught my attention. There was a strange buzzing noise coming for the Department of Mysteries. Curious, I walked towards the noise. When I entered the circular room with many doors the sound stopped, but there was a green light shining from beneath one of the doors. I drew my wand and opened the door. I was standing at the entrance of the Death Room. My attention was immediately drawn to a figure lying still on the ground before the Arch. When I approached the figure I recognized him to be Sirius Black. For a moment I thought he was dead, that the Arch had only given back his dead body, but then he stirred. He didn’t seem to remember anything after the moment he had fallen through the veil. He was very confused and kept on asking questions about his godson, so I decided to contact Dumbledore, maybe he could call Harry. When Sirius and I walked out of the Department of Mysteries and headed for the nearest floo-connection, we met Kingsley. He offered to stay with Sirius when I fire-called Dumbledore. The headmaster asked me to bring Sirius to Madame Pomfrey for examination. I agreed with him on that, because bringing him to St Mungo’s might have drawn unwanted attention. Kingsley escorted Black there and I fire_ _-_ _called Arthur Weasley. The rest still remains to be seen._

_Nymphadora Tonks, Auror for the British Ministry of Magic_

 

***

 

Hermione had written something too. A letter. There had only been one flaw in Dumbledore’s plan and that was Stephen Harlow. When the news of Sirius being in the land of the living again would spread, the man would surely put two and two together. So Hermione decided to put a stop to anything the man would say or do. The letter was blackmail cleverly disguised as a thank-you-note. While Hermione was telling Harlow how grateful they were, she didn’t fail to notice that them being at the Ministry at that hour was illegal, what made the man an  accomplice, and that Ron’s father, the minister of magic, a.k.a. Harlow’s employer, might not be too thrilled upon finding out that his son was not at school, but at The Ministry in the middle of the night. In other words: tell on us and you’ll lose your job, keep quiet and you’ll be richly rewarded.

 

Hermione wasn’t happy with the way she had to treat the man that had helped them so much, but protecting her friends was more important for her than being polite. She read the letter over and took in to the owlery. 

 

***

 

The following days passed fairly uneventful for Harry and Sirius. Most of the time they stayed in Harry’s room talking, playing chess or exploding snap or reading. Some of Harry’s friends came to visit (for Ron and Hermione had informed some fellow Gryffindor’s, like Neville and Ginny, about Sirius’ return) as well as Arthur and Molly Weasley, Tonks, Kingsley, McGonagall, Dumbledore, Lupin and Snape, although the last came only to confirm that people were not playing a horrible joke on him.

 

Harry had taken some of the pictures off his walls, because it was freaking Sirius out to see his own face everywhere he looked. Harry was a bit embarrassed of the pictures himself. He was afraid Sirius would think that he was obsessed with him or something, which, if he was totally honest with himself, he was. As the days went by Sirius was able to walk around more freely, because more and more people knew of his return with every passing day. All the time Harry never left his side. Following his godfather around became a routine for him, he didn’t know why, but he knew that every moment they spent apart he was missing the man’s laughter, his voice, his smile.

 

Harry’s friends were happy that he was smiling again and doing things, but they still barely got to spend time with him, because all Harry seemed to be interested in was his godfather, even when Ron and Hermione managed to get their best friend alone in a room with them, the conversation was somehow always about Sirius. Hermione was starting to get worried, because due to Harry’s idolization of his godfather he failed to notice the slight changes the man seemed to be going through. Sirius’ worry and love for his godson were still evident, but there were times when Hermione had the impression that the animagus was getting irritated at Harry always hanging around him. Lately he snapped more often at his godson about meaningless things and then a moment after such outbursts he would look quizzically around him, as if wondering when he got there and what he had done before that moment. Then he would shake his head and continue with whatever he was doing. Harry did not seem thrown by his behavior in the slightest.

 

Hermione talked about what she had noticed with Remus Lupin and he had to admit that the first time he saw his friend back there was a voice in his head telling him that there was something different about him. Still the man was very glad to have his best friend back and explained his behavior by all the things he had gone through in his life. So Hermione let the topic rest. After Sirius’ death Remus’ hair had gone completely white and he looked as if he had aged ten years in one day. She didn’t want to worry Lupin now that he seemed happy again. But the uneasy feeling wouldn’t go away…  


	10. The sins of thy beloved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a (not-overly graphic) het pairing in this chapter. Scroll down to the end notes if you need to know, or read on if you don't want to be spoiled.

~I'm searching for answers  
Cause something is not right.  
I follow the signs,  
I'm close to the fire.  
  
I fear that soon you'll reveal  
Your dangerous mind.  
  
It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.  
I fear your smile and the promise inside.  
It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.  
I fear your presence, I'm frozen inside.  
  
I'm searching for answers  
Not questioned before.  
The curse of awareness,  
There's no peace of mind.  
As your true colors show  
A dangerous sign.  
  
It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.  
I see the truth that you've buried inside.  
It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.  
There is no mercy, just anger I find.  
  
I just have to know, while I still have time.  
Do I have to run, or hide away from you?~

 

(A dangerous mind, Within Temptation)

 

 

_Harry was running through a dark corridor, opening all the doors he came across. Every room was empty and even if there was something in it, Harry didn’t know what he was looking for. It had something to do with Sirius and he had very little time. That was all he knew. Harry started to get out of breath, but continued running. Another door. Nothing. And another. Nothing again. Harry was getting desperate now, there was so little time. He grabbed yet another doorknob, expecting the door to open like the others had done, but this one remained closed. He pushed at it. Then banged and finally kicked it so hard, it flew open. He was standing in utter darkness. No light, no sound, still Harry knew that this was the right room. He walked on in the darkness and his eyes gradually got used to it. He heard a faint sound, like a whisper or a breath and moved towards it. Finally he saw a figure hunched on the floor, a man, his dark hair covering his face. Then the man looked up and Harry saw that it was Sirius, Sirius the way he had looked when he escaped from Azkaban. Even worse. His face was ashen, his hair all tangled and greasy and he had big, black circles under his eyes. Looking closer Harry saw that he was chained to a wall._

_“It’s going to be alright, I’m here. I’m going to help you.”_

_But instead of smiling, Sirius looked up with a frightened expression. His brow furrowed._

_“Why? Why Harry? Why have you done this to me?”_

_Harry was perplexed. He? He hadn’t done anything! He only wanted to help. Apparently Sirius thought otherwise. His voice grew in volume as he was screaming ‘Why?’_

_“How could you? I trusted you! I loved you!”_

_It was becoming too much for Harry to handle. He pushed his hands over his ears, but still he could hear his godfather’s cries. The world began to spin and he suddenly felt nauseous._

 

***

 

Harry woke up with a start in total darkness. He looked at where Sirius was sleeping. At least, that was what he intended to do, but all he saw were drapes.

“Oh that’s right. I’m back in the dorm room.” 

 

It was a month ago that Sirius came back into Harry’s life and since then they had shared Harry’s room. But lately Sirius started to talk about living on his own and asking Dumbledore for his own space. So Harry offered to move back into the Gryffindor rooms. His godfather protested against that, but Harry told him that it was time for him to go back to his friends and pick up his old life again.

 

That was what he said, his feelings, however, were different. The month he had spent with Sirius had been the happiest of his life. He did understand why his godfather suddenly wanted to live apart. It hurt, but at the same time Harry knew deep inside that Sirius was a man and that he, a mere teenager, couldn’t be his only company for long. If Sirius needed space, Harry was willing, though reluctant, to provide it. So yesterday it was settled, Harry moved back into the sixth years’ dorm.

 

Harry pulled the drapes aside and reached for his glasses. Putting them on, he looked at his watch. Six in the morning. On a Sunday. Harry groaned and let himself fall back on the bed. There was no chance of falling back asleep and he didn’t want to disturb the rest of the boys by getting up. His thoughts strayed back to the dream. He was used to nightmares, he’d had them almost every night of his life, but this one was different. He couldn’t explain this dream. Most of the dreams he recently had were all about Sirius and about losing him or bringing him back wrong somehow. They could all be explained by his fears. But this one. Harry didn’t have a clue where that came from. Why was Sirius captured and where or by who? But most important; why did he blame Harry?

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, it’s just a dream,” he whispered. He pulled the blanket over him tighter and turned to lie on his side. It was pretty cold in the dorm. The fires would be lit around seven. Harry tossed and turned, but he couldn’t fall asleep, nor did he manage to get any warmer. He felt uneasy. His sixth sense was telling him that something wasn’t right and that he should go check on Sirius, but his more reasonable side, which sounded suspiciously a lot like Hermione, told him he was being childish and overreacting. He had promised himself to give Sirius some space and that was what he would do.

 

Harry stayed in bed until seven and then quietly crept to the bathroom.

 

***

 

After getting a quick breakfast in the kitchens, Harry took out his Firebolt and spent the rest of the morning flying around Hogwarts’ grounds. The wind was chilling and occasionally it would snow, but the cold and the wind cleared his head of all unwelcome thoughts and he realized how much he had missed flying. At noon he came back half frozen to the Great Hall to eat lunch.

 

All his friends were occupied with something: Neville was engrossed in a book on herbology, Dean was telling Seamus about some Quiddich game he had seen in the summer and still couldn’t forget, Hermione and Ron were having their usual lovers quarrel. Harry had thought that once they would admit their feelings for each other the bickering would stop, but it had actually increased. Apparently it was their normal behavior around each other. He sighed. His friends were so used to him not being there, that when he was there, they didn’t even notice.

 

Not that he was in a great mood to talk. His thoughts kept on straying back to Sirius. He hadn’t seen him at the staff table and was now getting really worried. He decided to visit him this afternoon. He knew that some day he would have to let Sirius out of his sight and get on with his life, but not just yet, he had missed the man too much to do so.

 

The rest of the afternoon crept by. Harry talked to Ron, played chess with Neville and tried to read a book, but at three ‘o clock he couldn’t take it anymore and went to his former room.

Coming closer he heard voices and stopped in front of Sirius’s door, unsure whether to go in. He recognized the other voice as Remus and Remus did not sound happy.

 

“…damn it, Padfoot. You should be giving Harry the good example, but instead you’re acting like a complete ass!”

 

Harry held his breath. This was the first time he heard Remus curse. He wasn’t really happy that the fight seemed to be about him, neither that someone, let alone Remus, called his godfather an ass.

 

“I’m just being myself. I think you’re really overreacting. Seriously Remus, you need to relax. All the teaching has made you extremely dull.”

 

“You’re just being yourself? Then apparently nearly 30 years of friendship isn’t enough to know you. I guess our friendship isn’t as strong as I thought it was.”

 

“30 years of friendship? So I suppose you count those 12 years you left me to rot in Azkaban alone as part of our friendship? Hah!”

 

Harry flinched. He really thought that the two best friends had gotten over it, but apparently Sirius still held the grudge.

 

There was a long silence on the other side of the door followed by Remus’s voice, which suddenly sounded hoarse and trembling.

 

“If this is how you feel, I don’t think we have anything to say to each other anymore. I thought I knew you, but I don’t know you at all Sirius Black.”

 

The words were followed by footsteps and Harry stepped away from the door, acting like he was just walking by. Remus walked right past him, only shooting him a fleeting gaze.

Harry gulped and turned towards the door opening where Sirius stood. The man had the doorknob in his hand and was looking at the retreating back of his best friend. He had a confused look in his eyes and frowned. Harry softly called his godfather’s name, but the man didn’t seem to hear him. Then he reached out his hand and touched Sirius’s. Only then did he  stir and notice his godson for the first time. He flashed him a  smile, but didn’t seem to understand the situation fully.

 

“Sirius, ehm, maybe it’s not my business, but what happened between you and Remus?”

 

Sirius frowned again. “I, I’m not quite sure myself.”

 

Then he smiled and ruffled his godson’s hair. “Don’t worry your head over it.” Sirius gave him a half hug with his right arm. Harry awkwardly hugged him back and decided that whatever happened between Sirius and Remus would eventually turn out right. They were best friends after all.

 

***

 

A week later the quarrel was nearly forgotten, when another event triggered Harry’s memory.

It was Tuesday afternoon and the two were sitting on the windowsill in one of the corridors Hogwarts had. Sirius was bored and was playing with his new wand that was given to him by the Ministry a couple of days ago. Harry noticed it and asked if Sirius wanted to do something, but the man was already looking at someone coming their way. His eyes twinkled mischievously and he smirked. Severus Snape was walking down the hall with a pile of scrolls in his arms. Sirius nudged Harry and pointed that way.

 

“Perfect timing,” he murmured. He pretended to look very intently at something past the glass, while he pointed his wand at Snape and whispered something. Immediately the pile of scrolls in Severus’ hands jerked and scrolls scattered all over the floor. Harry didn’t know whether to laugh or to be worried. He had learned the hard way that you really shouldn’t make Seveus Snape pissed. The man looked surprised at the scrolls on the ground and then around him. Noticing Harry and Sirius his eyes narrowed.

 

“Potter, Black! That was really childish, but to you two nothing is too low I presume? Accio scrolls” Angrily he started to gather all the fallen scrolls back into his hands.

 

“Hey, I can’t help it if you’re clumsy, now can I, Snivellus?” came Sirius’ matter-of-fact-answer. Snape gritted his teeth and tightened the grip on his wand.

 

“Don’t mess with me, Black, or I’ll make you regret it.”   

 

Severus had all the fallen scrolls back in his arms and turned to leave. Harry let out a relieved sigh, but if he thought that the danger had passed, he was mistaken. Sirius wasn’t done yet. He pointed his wand at Snape’s retreating back and, before Harry could stop him, cast a spell. The scrolls in Severus’ hands didn’t just fall to the ground this time, they flew up, bounced off the ceiling and fell down on Snape’s head. Some students stopped to watch the strange display and Harry’s worry grew into panic. Snape didn’t let it rest this time, but swirled around and aimed his wand at Sirius, who had jumped off the windowsill and drew his own. The situation was very similar to the incident at Grimmauld place, except this time Harry wasn’t sure if it would be enough for him to jump between the angry men in order to stop them from hurting each other. Should a duel start, Harry knew deep inside that Sirius wouldn’t be able to win it. Snape was a very skilled duelist and while Sirius could take good care of himself, he hadn’t used a wand for a long time. Harry knew all of this the same way he knew that, should it become ugly, he would jump in front of Sirius any time, no matter who was right, he would protect Sirius even if it meant hurting his teacher. Snape knew that too. It was one thing to duel an equal, it was a totally different thing to also have to be aware of a boy who had killed the Dark Lord and his raw and completely unpredictable magic. The trouble was, Snape, when challenged, was just as hotheaded as Sirius. 

 

“You’re trying my patience, Black. Do you really want me to curse you? I’ve wanted to do that since the first day I met you and the feeling has only increased with years. Just give me one reason.” Everything was said slowly, clearly and calmly, but Snape’s knuckles were white from gripping his wand and he gritted his teeth so hard, he could barely speak.

 

Sirius was not impressed at all.

“My dear Snivellus, you wouldn’t even curse a fly in your position. You’re too damn scared to lose your job! It’s really pathetic actually, but pathetic is the right word to describe your whole life on to this point, isn’t it?” More and more people were gathering around the fighting pair, some students looked scared, others curious.

 

“Born to parents who didn’t give a damn about you, never really good at anything at school, except for potions and the dark arts, just a pale stupid kid, could never get a date, Malfoy’s little lapdog.” Sirius’s tone was light and he started to walk circles around Snape.

 

“Is that why you became a Death Eater? Because Lucius was one?” A gasp went through the group of spectators. Only a few of the teachers and just a couple students had known that Severus had been a Death Eater. Until now.

 

“But even that you managed to fuck up, didn’t you? Voldemort” another gasp, “turned out to be too scary and playing with the big boys was harder than you thought. So you ran right back to Dumbledore with your tail between your legs. The old fool had always had a weak spot for losers so he gave you a job. A job you can’t stand, teaching kids you loath who in turn all hate you. And the saddest thing is that that’s all you’ve got and all you’ll ever have, because no one cares about you. You are either hated or pitied.”

 

Sirius was done. Everyone around him was stunned into silence, not only the students, but even Severus Snape had for the first time in his life no sarcastic or witty comeback, no dead glare, no snap, no smirk, instead, he looked dumbfounded. Harry would have laughed at his expression, except it wasn’t funny. Not funny at all. He was shocked as much as Snape was, maybe even more. The man was defeated and hurt, that was clear, even worse, he had no clue as how to handle that. He just stood there, his wand still raised, anger, defeat, hurt flashing over his face.

 

Only when Harry looked back at Sirius did he notice that the man was already far down the hall. He had just walked away. Casting a glance at Snape, who was slowly regaining his composure, Harry decided it would be saver for him to leave too. So he turned around and headed after his godfather.

 

He caught up with him in a minute, but it took him more time to regain his ability to speak. He grabbed Sirius by the hand and forced him to a hold. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times before he could get the words out.

 

“What the hell was that?! What were you thinking?”

 

“What? The greasy git deserved it to be put back into his place. Don’t tell me _you_ feel sorry for him. Not after all he’s done to you, to us.”

 

“No, yes. I mean, that was really cruel what you did back there, to humiliate him like that in front of his students, telling about his Death Eater past.”

 

“Hey, it was his own choice to become one!”

 

“A choice he paid a high price for.”

 

“Whatever. Honestly, loosen up Harry. You’re turning into another Remus. Stop whining. It was fun.”

 

Having said that Sirius continued his walk like nothing had happened. Harry was stunned. He remained standing there, looking at Sirius’s retreating figure.

 

***

 

Since that incident Harry steered away from Sirius for a couple of days. He was confused. The way his godfather had acted was nothing like the man he knew and loved. It was true that Sirius and Snape were not exactly what you would call best friends, but their arguments and fights had always been superficial. Trying to provoke, taunt, but never to humiliate in public or systematically attack every weak spot, that was something new. And what to think of the way Sirius had stayed calm through the whole ordeal, he, a man who always would let himself be led by his emotions.

 

This arrogant way had reminded Harry of the old Sirius, the teen he got a glimpse of when he had looked through Snape’s pensive. He didn’t like that. Sirius and Remus had told him that that kind of behavior and attitude was in the past for both of them, that they had been very stupid and that they were sorry. But was that really true, he wondered? Was the real Sirius the kind and loving person he had met during his third year or was he still the same as when he had been a teenager? Was the kindness only an act? Harry didn’t dare to assume that. He didn’t even want to think about it, because if it was true, then everything he had believed in had been a lie, everything he had fought for had been in vain.

 

At the end of another day filled with worrying, guessing and pondering the situation, Harry decided it was enough. It was nothing like him to run away from his problems. He was someone who would confront them head on, even if it could, and it often had, get him and his friends in trouble. It was time to go to the source of his troubles: Sirius. He would ask him what was happening and what had happened that day and Harry was sure that Sirius would have a perfectly logical explanation…at least, that was what he hoped.

 

It was already late when Harry set out to Sirius’ room, nearly pas the curfew, so the halls were almost deserted except for a couple of teachers and some lost first years, the corridors were silent, but when he reached his former room, he heard something. It sounded as a grunt coming from Sirius, followed by a moan. A thousand things flashed through Harry’s mind: Is Sirius hurt? Is he having a nightmare? Has Snape decided to take revenge on him and are they battling now? He pointed his wand at the door, shouted ‘allohamora’ and when the lock clicked, burst into the room…

 

…and stopped dead in his tracks. Nothing he was going over in his head for the last couple of seconds came even close to what was actually happening. Sirius was lying on the bed and a strangely familiar looking woman with long blonde hair and an impressive cleavage was draped around him. Harry felt like he was punched in the stomach; he felt suddenly dizzy and short of breath. The woman gave a little cry when her eyes fell on Harry and draped the sheet around her form, getting off the bed immediately. Harry knew he should look away or leave, that he was invading someone’s privacy, but his body refused to move. He felt his cheeks turn scarlet and with some effort he managed to turn his eyes from the woman to Sirius, who looked intensely annoyed. A jab of pain shot through Harry and he finally managed to turn around. His hands started to shake and different emotions washed over him like waves, one after another: embarrassment, pain, jealousy and betrayal. He realized that this woman was the reason that Sirius wanted more privacy, that he had less time for Harry now. But Harry had always assumed that Sirius saw him as a friend and weren’t friends supposed to be able to talk about these things? It hurt that his godfather did not think he was worth sharing this with. Even after Harry had told him everything about himself. About how he missed his parents, about Cho, about his struggles through the years. Slowly, Harry felt the ability to speak return to him and, though his voice shook, managed to utter: “I’m s-sorry, I’ll go…”

 

“No, don’t. I will leave,” he heard the woman say and he finally realized who she was. He spun around to see the now fully clothed Tonks standing near the door, her hair the usual pink and her breasts a size smaller. She was blushing and looking apologetically at him. Then she grabbed her bag and sped out of the room, leaving Harry and Sirius alone. 

 

Harry suddenly found his shoes extremely fascinated and kept staring at them until Sirius sat up and asked: “Well, what is it?”

 

He looked up at him, bewildered. ‘What is it?’ Didn’t Sirius understand that this was quite a thing to process for his godson? That he was shocked?

“What do you mean what is it?”

 

Sirius let out an irritated sigh, “What is it that you wanted to see me about that was so important and urgent that you didn’t have the time to knock?”

 

Harry had no idea. All the memory from before the moment he walked into the door had been wiped clean from his mind. He blushed even more. “I-I don’t know.”

 

“You don’t know?!” mocked Sirius.

 

Now Harry started to get a bit angry himself too. Why didn’t Sirius understand that he felt shocked, betrayed even? “Look, I thought I heard something and, well, I thought you were hurt or something. I’m sorry to have barged in like that, but if you would have told me that you had a visitor, I would’ve surely knocked. Or if at least you would have told me that you were involved with someone.”

 

Harry looked away again and there was a long moment of silence when both thought about what had been said. Harry was not sure why he was taking this so personally, after all Sirius was a grown man, he could sleep with whomever he wanted. Still, seeing him with someone else had hurt, had hurt more that Harry ever imagined it could have. It felt like his heart was being torn out. The thoughts in his head were confusing him, just as Sirius was, just sitting there on the edge of the bed. Then something occurred to him, he had to know how long this had been going on.

 

“ So…how long have you two have had a relationship?”

 

Sirius’ arched his eyebrow. “Relationship? I wouldn’t call it that.”

 

Harry was getting more and more confused. “But, don’t you love her?”

 

At that Sirius actually let out a laugh. “Love her? Are you nuts? Of course not! We fucked, or more precisely, would have fucked if you had not barged in here tonight. I mean who wouldn’t want a girl who can change her appearance at will? It’s like doing it with someone else every time. I wonder how far she can actually go? Maybe she can even switch genders next time…that could be fun.”

 

Harry was seriously angry now, how could his godfather talk so disrespectfully about someone who was so close to him. “How can you say that?! You treat her like she’s an object. She’s your cousin for Merlin’s sake! Have you no feelings?”

 

Sirius got up and approached Harry, who stepped back until his back hit the wall. Even though he was the more powerful wizard of the two and fully clothed, while Sirius stood there in his boxers, Harry felt very weak and vulnerable. He thought for a moment that Sirius would hit him, but instead he smiled. No, smile was the wrong word for it, it was more of a smirk. It looked predatory and his eyes seemed too blue for his normal grey.

 

“So what if she´s my cousin. I´m a pure-blood, I’m related to half the Wizarding world. It’s not like I’m going to knock her up. Why do you care so much about how I talk about her? Are you jealous?”

 

Harry shook his head, but couldn’t prevent himself from turning even redder. The animagus studied him intensely, until the boy averted his gaze, not being able to look him in the eye. Sirius then took his chin between his fingers and lifted his head up to face him. There was a smug expression on his face.

 

“I see, you aren’t jealous of me, you’re jealous of her, aren’t you?” Harry’s face paled. He felt cornered, like an animal in the headlights of a car. To hear Sirius say something he wasn’t even ready to admit to himself was unsettling.

 

Sirius’s fingers traced his cheek slowly and ghosted over his neck. “But I’m sure we can work something out.”

 

Harry felt suddenly nauseous. This was going very wrong. He didn’t recognize this Sirius, he was afraid of him, disgusted by him. Suddenly he regained control over his body again and slapped his godfather’s hand away, shoving him aside with the little strength he had left, Harry dashed for the door. He felt hot tears prickle in the corners of his eyes and his breathing was erratic. Suddenly his life seemed to be falling apart and he had no idea what to do about it.

 

He sped down the stairs and through the Great Hall, not noticing that Ron and Hermione watched him run past them with worried expressions. He pushed the door open and ran into the cold air, it was already dark and when he jumped off the final stair, he landed into fresh snow that came up to his ankles. It was early March, and was only wearing a jumper and jeans, but he was too upset to feel the cold. He ran further and further until he reached the frozen lake. There his legs gave away under him and he landed on his knees, tears now freely streaming down his face.

 

He didn’t know how long he had sat like that before he felt a warm cloak and Hermione’s arms wrap around him. Only then did he notice that he was shaking. He just wasn’t sure if it was from the cold.

 

“Harry what happened?”

 

“N-nothing.”

 

“Sure, because nothing has happened you are sitting in the snow, crying your eyes out,” said Ron crouching on the other side of Harry. “Look, it’s us mate, your best friends, you can tell us.”

 

Harry sighed and wiped away the tears he had noticed for the first time.

“It’s Sirius. He’s been acting, well, weird, scary. It’s like I don’t know him anymore, like he is a totally different person all of a sudden.”

 

Hermione looked strangely at him. She looked sad, but did not seem surprised at all. “Harry,…there is something I wanted to tell you for a long time now, something that has bothered me about Sirius from the beginning. I didn’t dare to speak to you about it, because you seemed so happy and I was also afraid you wouldn’t believe it, but now you’ve said it yourself, so I…”

 

“What is it? Right now I’m willing to believe anything.”

 

“Well, you see…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a (not-overly graphic) Sirius/Tonks scene.


End file.
